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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:38 pm 
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Location: San Antone...
In the spirit of the holidays, I thought I’d give back to this community by combining two of the greatest things our evil lizard overlords ever bestowed upon us… Those being the Headyverse and WCW Slam Jam Vol. 1. References to the Slam Jam songs have popped up on IYH for years, and they really are an amazing group of songs. Equally amazing is this board and the people on it. I’ve gotten a lot of enjoyment from most everyone here, so it was kind of a no-brainer to put the two together. I also wanted to do something, seeing as how there was no Carroll Crockett Cup or BUCKhouse Stampede this year. So, for the next 11 days I’ll be posting one Slam Jam song parody each day based on a Headyverse member (or members). These parody lyrics will be released in the order they appear on the album, which is as follows:

Day 1 - DON’T STEP TO RON (Ron Simmons)
Day 2 – MAN CALLED STING (Sting)
Day 3 – MR. BANG BANG (Cactus Jack)
Day 4 – MASTER OF THE DDT (Jake Roberts)
Day 5 – FREEBIRD FOREVER (Fabulous Freebirds)
Day 6 – SIMPLY RAVISHING (Rick Rude)
Day 7 – HERE COMES JOHNNY B. BADD (Johnny B. Badd)
Day 8 – THE NATURAL (Dustin Rhodes)
Day 9 – THE DRAGON (Ricky Steamboat)
Day 10 – HE’S SMOKING (Barry Windham)
Day 11 – STEINERIZED (The Steiner Brothers)

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You’ll have to check back each day to find out who gets which song. Speaking of which, I tried to include everyone I could, so if you’re not part of a song, I apologize. In some cases, I had a certain person in mind for a specific song, but when it came down to it – for whatever reason - it just didn’t work. Conversely, if you find yourself included and not happy about it, just try to remember that it’s all in good fun. It’s been said time and time again around here that if you can’t have a sense of humor about yourself then you probably shouldn’t be here… Anyway, I really hope everyone finds something here they get a kick out of. I do realize that just because I enjoy song parodies, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m any good at writing them. But I did have a lot of fun doing it, so there ya go... :)

That being said, just a word on how to read these lyrics: Obviously, the perfect scenario would be that you know all of these songs by heart, listen to them on a regular basis, and can hear the tune in your head as you read these new lyrics… But sadly, I’m willing to bet that probably isn’t the case. For just that reason, I’ve posted a link to each song on YouTube. I highly recommend listening to the song BEFORE you read the lyrics (and maybe after as well… I mean, these songs are pretty fucking awesome). I’ve tried to keep true to the syllable beats of each line, as well as any weird phrasings used (and there are quite a few very weird phrasings in these songs), but I occasionally had to just go my own way with them. Hopefully, my choices don’t make a complete hash out of things…

Well, enough of that… Let’s get to DAY 1!...

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:47 pm 
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On the first day of IYH Christmas… DON’T STEP TO VANN (original: DON’T STEP TO RON)

So, yeah. The first song is totally about me. ;) Truth be told, I actually wrote this over a year ago and was going to use it for one of my BUCKhouse Stampede posts, but when it came down to it, I thought it would be pretty lame to post just lyrics and not record the freakin’ thing. Since that wasn’t gonna happen, it just ended up sitting on my desktop for a while… Until now!

A Few Words About DON’T STEP TO RON:

Whenever I’ve heard people discussing this track, they are usually pretty negative about it… I don’t know, but I always kinda liked it. The entire Slam Jam album is pretty rock-guitar heavy (with a couple of country tunes thrown in) and this is the only rap offering. It’s notable to me for two reasons. (1) Like many of these songs, it has a very long intro which must have been somewhat awkward for the wrestlers they are about. I mean, either the guy hangs back and waits for the singing to start before going through the curtain, or they go out right at the beginning and get to the ring well before the vocals kick in (I’m pretty sure 1993 WCW was not doing a lot of spot shows at the Toronto Skydome)… And (2) there is actually no bassline throughout this song whatsoever. A rap song with no bass – to me – is pretty ballsy… Apparently Ron Simmons was so bad ass, he didn't need no bass…





DON’T STEP TO VANN

Get on the board, slick
Don't be a dick
A couple weak posts ‘n I’m a put ya on my list
Click-click-clack then a right-mouse-right
And a click and a shift
Alt-control-delete then it's over with

All ya fake names are whack
And it don't matter if ya come back
Cuz when I'm in the chat I’m a troll's worst nightmare
Straight from ‘Zona
And if you don't think I'm hard
You better whip out spell check
It’s a flame war

Straight up chuckle
On my wit's tit you best get ready to suckle
A metaphor king ready to fight
Bannin’ all trolls left and right
So keep talkin’ all that junk
But bring it to our circle
And I’m a put your IP on delete punk
Cuz you really ain't a Heady fan
You made a mistake when you step to Vann

Straight from ‘Zona
Tucson, Arizona
Don't step to Vann

Yeah, see I'm like big ol' buzzard
Pickin’ flesh, strippin’ all the hate
With a serious grudge and I can't wait
To see what you’ll post
Wonder what I'll float?
And I’m a catch ya off guard with your own quote
Even if ya got a lot of time
See, my badge of bullshit tells me that you're outta line
You're nuttin’ but a lame ass spammer
Who’s about to get nailed with the Vann Hammer
And show ya that ya don't make sense
Your poor spelling & grammar makes for easy offense

So it's like that
Don't eat where ya shat or I'll show you where its at
And it won't be nuttin’ man
You made a big mistake when you step to Vann

Straight from ‘Zona
Don't step to Vann
Don't step to Vann

A lesson taught to all the intruders that step this way
You got somethin’ comin' if ya come this way partner
Belie-dat!
Cuz Vann don't play
It's the Headyverse y'all
IYH Wrestling Dot Com

So, yo
If the lesson is not learned in the song
It shall be learned on the board
Don't step to Vann, chump
Belie-dat!

This was the man that was mentored by Jack E. Jones
I'd like to say peace to One Inch Biceps and the Flea
Peace
PEACE!
And if ya still trollin'
We'll see

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:01 pm 
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There was a Buckhouse this year. I was declared the winner.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 11:59 pm 
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Amazing. Simply amazing.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 1:11 pm 
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On the second day of IYH Christmas… MAN CALLED SWAX (original: MAN CALLED STING)

When I started this little project, I thought doing a parody to MAN CALLED STING would be a piece of cake. In the end, it was actually one of the most difficult. Every time I would try to write it for someone, it just wouldn’t work out. I actually had Swax slated for a different track, but he ended up here… God love him…

A Few Words About MAN CALLED STING:

Quite possibly the DUMBEST opening lines in songwriting history… “He does this… He does that”… How lazy a writer can you possibly be? Total PG, babyface song. I mean, the guy makes old people act like a child… All its faults make it hard not to love.




MAN CALLED SWAX

WOOOOW
OWW
OOH
OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Man called Swax
He’s a man called Swax
He’s a man called Swax
The man called Swax

He says this
He says that
Got a mouth full of marbles and an E-C-DUB hat
Thinks he’s fine
Thinks he’s cool
But whenever he's talkin’ he’s playin’ the fool

Doesn’t give a flip… a fuck, or a care
Cuz he’s not really all that self aware
He’s the man called Swax
The man called Swax
He’s the man called Swax
Man called Swax

He’s not like nobody else
Whenever he skypes in
He’s so full of himself
And Jack & Inch
They have their fun
And all of the listeners go to make a snack run

Doesn’t give a flip… a fuck, or a care
Cuz he’s not really all that self aware
He’s the man called Swax
He’s a man called Swax
The man called Swax
He’s the man called Swax
He’s the man called Swax
He’s the ma-ann ca-a-alled Swax
He’s the man called Swax
He’s the man called Swax

HHHIIIIIIIIIIIII

*guitar*

Now every week
He calls the show
Talkin’ ‘bout Gail and promoters she blows
Loves Kelly Kelly
With all his cock
He’d lick her filthy skidmarks or smelly sweatsocks

Doesn’t give a flip… a fuck, or a care
Cuz he’s not really all that self aware
He’s the man called Swax
The man called Swax
He’s the man called Swax
He’s the man called Swax

Philly, PA
Is your first clue
Might explain why Swax would eat Kelly's poo
And Miss D
Could soon find out
What Swaxin’ that ass is really all about

Doesn’t give a flip… a fuck, or a care
Cuz he’s not really all that self aware
He’s the man called Swax
The man called Swax
He’s a ma-an ca-a-alled Swax
He’s a man called Swax
He’s the man called Swax
Man called Swax
He’s the man called Swax
He’s the man called Swa-aa-aa-aaxx

HHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIII
WOOOO
HHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 5:02 pm 
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I've been pondering this list for a few days trying to peg which one Duane will land.. Fun stuff vann

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 10:04 pm 
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Vann... you are a no good son of a bitch, but this is good stuff.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 10:43 pm 
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Good stuff, good stuff.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 11:33 pm 
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President Clinton wrote:
Vann... you are a no good son of a bitch, but this is good stuff.

Yea I wish for terrible things to happen to you but this did make me laugh.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:03 am 
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My favorite thread ever.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 1:27 pm 
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Thanks, guys...

----------------------------------------

On the third day of IYH Christmas… FREAKIN’ XT (Original: MR. BANG BANG)

XT gets the parody treatment here. Like I said earlier, these are all in good fun. It’s like getting your caricature drawn. Maybe your nose or forehead is a tiny bit big in real life, but it’s not nearly as large as what you see in the "portrait" you just paid 10 bucks for at the mall kiosk...

A Few Words About MR. BANG BANG:

Love this song, but one quibble: Was Cactus Jack ever really better known as “Mr. Bang Bang”?...




FREAKIN’ XT

He throws English to the wind
He doesn't care about syntax
You’d really be a fool to think he cares about things like facts
When it comes to I-Y-H post count, he comes in first
But the more you try to rationalize, well it just gets WORST and WORST

He’s not on a team, and can’t stand the I-DUB-C
He’s xtremefalls or better known
As freakin’ XT

He’s as cross as a guy can be
He ain’t got no dictionary
A thoughtful post is not expected
But his keyboard is his sword
When he’s on the message board
Just know that logic gets neglected

He just hates Ric Flair, Kurt Angle and Hardy
He’s xtremefalls or better known
As freakin’ XT

*guitar*

He’s on his own
He’s a loner man
He likes it just that way you know
He’s xtremefalls, written word he mauls
Your opinion's wrong, he's sure
Debate can be hard… with a guy… that don't know YOUR from YOU’RE

He’s not on a team, or a friend of you or me
He’s xtremefalls or better known
As freakin’ XT

To the noobs of I-Y-H, he comes off kinda mean
"At twenty-five, part of N-H-S?"
When the limit is eighteen
Cheeto eatin', virgin men, strikes and psychology
That’s why he’s known in the Headyverse
As freakin’ freakin’ freakin’ XT

X-T
HAHA
LOOK OUT!
He’s about to post
X –T-4-3
YOUR about to get irrelevented
HAHA
X -T
HE HE HAAAA

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 6:12 pm 
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Amazing.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 6:43 am 
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Just as a side note, you're correct: there was no Buckhouse this year. Nor will there ever be again. Just like I ran Buck Winchester out of here when I single handedly beat him and his partner in the first Carroll Crockett Cup, I've forever taken his event. It can either be renamed in MY honor or be changed completely.

With that said, carry on, it's swell stuff.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 1:20 pm 
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On the fourth day of IYH Christmas… BALLAD OF MISS DESTINY (original: MASTER OF THE DDT)

This was another really tough one to get through. Just not very parody friendly. Miss D gets the nod here by default. I tried it with a few other folks, but she got it in the end (*Jack giggles*).

A Few Words About MASTER OF THE DDT:

Have you noticed a trend listening to these songs yet? Hope you’re not sick of guitar rock solos… I think what made this song so difficult to parody is that it was probably really hard to write in the first place. I mean, the Jake Roberts character – in much the same way that he didn't need championships to remain over – didn’t need lyrics in his theme music either. That’s why his WWF theme music was so perfect. No lyrics, just the right kind of creepy, and it worked for both heel and face Jake.




BALLAD OF MISS DESTINY

OOOOH YAW
HA HA HA
SSSHHHHHHHUCKY

Jack sends it to D.
But do you think that he should?
Unless you wanna talk different types of wood
She’s not concerned with what they're sayin’
She'll start out with local sports teams
And end up on decoratin'

Sweet Ms. D
Bedroom fixtures she’ll buy
Sweet Ms. D
Makes a mean Boston Cream Pie
Sweet Ms. D
Wants to know which one’s your team
So listen up
It's the ballad of Miss Destineeeeee

Her real agenda
Is so easy to see
Reviewing all her newest toiletries
It’s no secret
Why she calls In Your Head
She has to update us all
On the status of her bed

Sweet Ms. D
Bedroom fixtures she’ll buy
Sweet Ms. D
Makes a mean Boston Cream Pie
Sweet Ms. D
Wants to know which one’s your team
So listen up
It's the ballad of Miss Destineeeeee

*guitar*

With every call she makes
D. will take over the air
Try changin’ subjects but she wont care
It’s a wrestling show, but talks decor instead
Drives Jack to innuendo
But it goes over her head

Sweet Ms. D
Bedroom fixtures she’ll buy
Sweet Ms. D
Makes a mean Boston Cream Pie
Sweet Ms. D
Wants to know which one’s your team
So listen up
It's the ballad of Miss Destineeeeee

Ooohh-ooh-oohh
Ballad of Miss Destineeeeee
Ohhhh-ohh-ohh-oh
Ballad of Miss Destineeeeee
Ooohh-ooh-oohh
Ballad of Miss Destineeeeee
Ohhhh-ohh-ohh-oh
Ballad of Miss Destineeeeee
Ooohh-ooh-oohh
Ballad of Miss Destineeeeee

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:00 pm 
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On the fifth day of IYH Christmas… TEAM CLINTON MEMBER (original: FREEBIRD FOREVER)

Well, TC, you get your answer... Sure, they may be a couple of megalomaniacal d-bags, but I can’t deny that they deserve a place in the annals of IYH Slam Jamdom. Actually, I knew right away who it was gonna be about as soon as I listened to it again. I hope those a-holes enjoy it…

A Few Words About FREEBIRD FOREVER:

They somehow not only managed to blatantly rip off the Southern Rock sound of Skynard (right down to the very Skynard-esque guitar solo), but also had the nerve to actually mention Skynard fans and even the plane crash itself in the lyrics... Just mind-boggling. That being said, I enjoy the hell out of this one, even if it is the strangest duet I’ve ever heard. I mean, one guy is delivering lines as if he is actually Michael Hayes, while the other guy acts as like some nameless narrator. And THEN they sing together! It’s crazy… I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a song written and sung from those two vantage points before… To simplify it for parody-sake, I just made it a duet between President Clinton and Duane, so “P:” means the President is singing the line, “D:” means Duane is singing, and “D/P:” means they are singing together…




TEAM CLINTON MEMBER

P: Been ridin' magic teacups since I was just a kid
P: Wanted to kick Lincoln’s ass
P: And that is just what I did
P: Started out alone, then got my own team
P: First one’s name was Duane, and we exploded on the scene

D/P: I'm a Team Clinton member
D/P: You can't change me
D/P: No, not never
D/P: The greatness of our team can’t be believed
P: That’s right
D/P: I’m a Team Clinton member and you’ll never be me

D: Little later on we gained some others
P: Their names escape me now
P: But I’m sure they were like brothers
D: Won a bunch of Headies
P: Turned the board into our town
P: We kicked ass and unleashed hell
D/P: And then we burned it down

D/P: I'm a Team Clinton member
D/P: No you can't change me
D/P: No not never
D/P: The greatness of our team cant be believed
D: Oh, no
D/P: I’m a team Clinton member and you’ll never be me

*guitar*

P: Thinkin' 'bout it now
P: Aren't there more?
D: Every member's been perfect
D: Except for those we've shown the door
D: NOS, Julia… Vann and all the rest
D: Just weren't good enough
D/P: Not when you’re lookin’ for the best - yeah

D: When Vann quit the team
D: It left us both reelin'
P: But there’s no way that even he
D/P: Could forget that Clinton feelin'
D: Next time we saw him, was the annual tourney
P: Piledrove his ass - watched him wheeled out - ko'd on a gurney

D/P: I'm a Team Clinton member
D/P: You can't change me
D/P: No, not never
P: Are Stay Puft and Jobes still on the team?
D: I don't know
P: Well, the true Team Clinton is always Duane and me

P: Duane and Me
P: President Clinton
D: TC For Life, yea-ah

*fast guitar*

P: You'll never be me

D: Well, I'm a Team Clinton member
D: You can suck it, Vann
D: You can suck it forever
D: All you losers aren't me--eee—ee, aren’t me—e—ee

P: Team Clinton, that is meeeee

D: T-C, T-C, T-C meemmmberrrrOOOWWWW

P: WOOOO—OOO-OOOOO
D: You'll nevah be meeeee
P: TEEECEEEEE, Duane and meeeeee

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:54 pm 
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Now that is music... brought a tear to my eye


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 5:18 pm 
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I'm not crying there is just something in my eye.....just leave me alone for a second.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 4:32 am 
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Aww, thanks guys... I'm no Songman John, but I do my best...

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 4:58 am 
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Omg... Just realized the simply ravishing parody is coming tomorrow... The clasic hit from the original. Simply can't wait

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:20 am 
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He's simply ravishing, he's happening, he's knows that hes cool.
All the girls go crazy the don't know what to do.
He'll still your girl and break your heart and leave you a fool
He's simply ravishin, dazzeling, ravishing rude...

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 2:41 pm 
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Well, I hope this doesn't disappoint too much, TC...

-------------------------

On the sixth day of IYH Christmas… JIMMITY JAMMENING (original: SIMPLY RAVISHING)

JIMMITY JAMMITY, HIBBITY HABBITY HAW, HIBBITY HOOOOO!!!

A Few Words About SIMPLY RAVISHING:
I actually hated this song when it first came out... I think it was because Rude's stripper music was so much more engrained in me and this was so very, very different. But re-visiting here has given me a new appreciation for it. I mean, it’s repetitive as all hell, but looking back it totally works.




JIMMITY JAMMENING

He's jimmy jammening - OWWW

He's jimmy jammening
Hib-habbity
Jim-jammity jay
The listeners all go crazy, calls in every Wednesday
He's asked thought provoking questions but has nothin’ to say
He's jim-jammining, hibb-habbity, jammity jay

On every show
Callin’ right on time
Orderin' pizza while he's on the line
Got somethin’ to say
So listen up close
There he goes, there he goes, with his one word prose

His phone has no mute
But he doesn't care
Still argues with his mom while the shows on the air
It’s time for the callers
And Jack starts his thing
There’s no way to stop the jimmy jammening

He's jim-jammity
Hib-happity
Jim-jammity-jay
He waits on line forever but has nothing to say
The lines of kayfabe always blur each time he calls in
He's jimmity jamening, hip happity, jim jammity jim

His phone has no mute
But he doesn't care
Still argues with his mom while the shows on the air
It’s time for the callers
And Jack starts his thing
There’s no way to stop the jimmy jammening

He's jimmy jammening
Hip-happity
Jim-jammity jay
The listeners all go crazy, calls in every Wednesday
He's asked thought provoking questions but has nothin’ to say
He's jim-jammining, hip happity, jim jamminy jay

He's jim-jammity
Hip-happity
Jim-jammity-hey
He waits on line forever but has nothing to say
The lines of kayfabe always blur each time he calls in
He's jimmy jamening, hip happity, jim jammity jim

*guitar*

He's jimmy jammening
Hip-happity
Jim-jammity jay
The listeners all go crazy, calls in every Wednesday
He's asked thought provoking questions but has nothin’ to say
He's jim-jammining, hip happity, jim jamminy jay

He's jim-jammity
Hip-happity
Jim-jamminy-hey
He waits on line forever but has nothing to say
The lines of kayfabe always blur each time he calls in
He's jimmity jamening, hip happity, jammity jim

He's jimmy jammening
Hip-happity
Jim-jammity jay
The listeners all go crazy, calls in every Wednesday
He's asked thought provoking questions but has nothin’ to say
He's jim-jammining, hip happity, jamminy jay

He's jim-jammity
Hip-happity
Jim-jamminy-hey
He waits on line forever but has nothing to say
The lines of kayfabe always blur each time he calls in
He's jammmmmeeeeetttteeeeeeee hippity howeee yahhhhhh

Jammitty
Jammening
Oh-ow-ow yeah
Jimmitty jam yeah
Jimmitty jam yeah
Jimmitty jam yeah
Mmm mmmmm mmm

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Donny: "It's Dirk fucking Benedict!"... Dirk: "I seldom use my middle name."


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 4:12 pm 
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Location: Tampa
This shit just keeps getting better... :lol:

You are the man.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:53 pm 
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A thing of beauty.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:34 pm 
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Location: Australia
awesome job mate cant wait to hear the rest of them


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:31 pm 
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Posts: 4933
Location: San Antone...
On the seventh day of IYH Christmas… HERE COMES TASO THE GREEK (original: HERE COMES JOHNNY B. BADD)

Okay, I'm not gonna lie... This one pretty much wrote itself. Probably because “Taso the Greek” – like “Johnnny B. Badd” – has four syllables, and it was the first Headyverse name that came to mind. That being said, this parody is totally a one-trick pony. Believe me when I say that I really like what Taso has to say. He’s a very good caller and has a unique schema of wrestling knowledge that he brings to the table… He also has probably one of the best known catchphrases in the Headyverse, which just so happens is what this song is ALL about…

A Few Words About HERE COMES JOHNNY B. BADD:

Fun tune. Catchy as hell. It’s exactly what you'd think a song about Johnny B. Badd would sound like, so – musically speaking – it’s probably the most "subject matter appropriate" song on the entire album.




HERE COMES TASO THE GREEK

Here comes Taso the Greek
Ya know he’s the Greek Physique
He eats a gyro not a churro
He looks just like John Turturro
Don't be fooled by his looks
His last shower never took
So if you don’t wanna smell his reek, don’t mess with Taso the Greek

His musk is sooooo stinky
That man from New York City
I hope its not a warm night
Taso's stench is such a fright
Don’t get a whiff of him
It’s like a right to the chin
So if you've got a tummy that's weak, don’t mess with Taso the Greek

Oh-PAH!

*guitars*

Here comes Taso the Greek
He watches all those indie geeks
He wears all his Heady stuff
He can't promote the show enough
How does his girlfriend ever stay?
She must be in a nut-stench haze
So unless you like a smell that's unique, don’t mess with Taso the Greek

Just take it from this ditty
Wang pollution coats the city
Visible from miles away
Taso makes New Yorkers pay
Every time he calls in
You can smell his cock in Brooklyn
It's enough to make grown men shriek, don't mess with Taso the Greek
I said we wish he'd wash his balls in the sink, here comes Taso the Greek!

Woooo-ooo-oo

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Donny: "It's Dirk fucking Benedict!"... Dirk: "I seldom use my middle name."


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