IYH Wrestling

Dear, Soul-sucking Vampires making cash off the backs of hard working people,

I hope this letter finds you well. As I find myself miserable sitting here writing it. See, I have a lot on my plate right now. I've got a unstable new member of Team Clinton to deal with. I've got team members who are jealous of the attention this new member is getting. I've got a slow healing ankle injury. But that's not what's what I'm writing you to discuss. You see, the thing that upsets me the most is that you are all cowards. I've said for months that I would agree to do this wargames match. I'd put my body on the line one more time if it meant getting to face Vann. And while I've been a good little solider and done everything you have asked of me you have yet to give me any details about this match. Not one rule, not a date, not a place, and certainly not a dollar amount.

Why is this? I know the people who run this company aren't this incompetent. You don't have a hard time booking your little Buckhouse and the oh so amazing Carroll Crockett Cup. When it's a match that fits your needs you rush to make it happen. When you think you have something that will make these stupid fans happy there is no stopping it. So what makes war games different? You are scared of it. You are scared of me. I mean, I don't blame you. I'm gonna take out 3 of your top guys and your commissioner in one night. That's really going to suck for you. But have some goddamn balls and quit dragging this out.

Sincerely Yours,

Team Clinton

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I hope I'm not out of line here, but after reading this I just had to know...Who, in the blue hell are you? Or should I say were you? You see the fact is the HWA board of directors is busy keeping the future of HWA happy. You are just a relic of the past best forgotten to the sands of time while I will be the one to take the HWA to a new level...one where the wrestlers can actually do what they are paid to, namely wrestle! If you doubt me, then by all means nut up and come get some!

Call us once you get off the opening match... we are too busy main eventing.

Do you hear that? It almost sounded like a tiny little gnat buzzing about the head of a wrestling god! In case the inbred mountain folk haven't gotten it yet, let me try to translate from English to redneck. Y'all is washed up like Clinton's granny after his mom invented nickle night at the bunny ranch! Team Clinton may have made it to the main event but that was before a true super star stepped foot into this two bit, gym show holding, island of misfit wrestler wannabes!

Listen, dude it's real cute that you think you can challenge me. But I'm the biggest star in this company so I'm little too busy being amazing to deal with you right now.

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Whoa, pump the brakes there sweet cheeks. In no way way would I ever lower myself to challenge a mouth breather like you. I simply came to inform you that you and the rest of the little rascals are no longer needed in the HWA. You see it is time for the boys and little girls to go gently into that good night and let a real MAN show you exactly what this sport is all about. Your empty words only further shine a light on your inferiority. Agree, disagree it doesn't matter, because I'm still better than you!

Simply being better than Duane is like being the tallest midget.

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In memory of "Fabulous" Jackie Fargo

Ok, who invited the Oompa Loompa to speak on big boy issues? Listen up real carefully sunshine. I'm not just better than Duane, I'm better than you and everyone one of the Cosby kids on the roster. If you even have a shred of doubt as to the accuracy of that fact, walk your happy ass over to your computer, pop open Youtube, and search my name. You'll see the box fill up with nothing but 5 star matches and shoot promos from better men than you saying how damn good I am. And just like I told sweet cheeks, if you want to find out first hand, you know exactly where to go to get your ass beat, whipped, and serverd back to you on a silver platter bitch!

Can we please behave like civilized adults here? This is between me and this gutless sham of a promotion. Everyone with a brain knows I'm the greatest of all time. So please don't waste my time with stuff I don't care about.

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Short, sloppy, and completely uninteresting...was I talking about your comments or ringwork? We both know no one has ever sat through your piss break matches so I must be talking about your Kamala-esque ramblings. You see, you can't match wits with me like you can't hang with me in the ring.

This is a certifiable fact.

Look, I was once thought of in this regard... I'm a two time President of the United States, IYH Rookie of the Year, I even defeated Abe Lincoln for what we now know is a fraudulent version of the NWA Heavyweight Championship. I was the top star of the Rio De Janiero territory for over a decade winning numerous documented tournaments, I headlined a soldout show in Tienanmen Square against Killer Khan and won the Yemeni Heavyweight title (the preeminent title of the Middle East) a record 5 times.

However, Duane has taken the sport to new heights... The world knows HWA because of him. You can go anywhere in the world and ask them to name a wrestler and 99 times out of 100 they will name Duane.

I'm just happy to be able to help him out and maybe be a small part of his success.

Wow, that's creative. Oompa Loompa? Way to play off the midget remark I made. Plus I'm 6'4", and I don't have a Snooki tan. Cosby kids? What the hell does that even mean? I find it amusing that I'm supposed to believe that you're better than me - the Buckhouse Stampede champion - and everyone else when no has ever heard of you and still wouldn't have an idea if you hadn't stuck your nose in to yell "Look at me!" like a 14 year old girl with low self esteem and an extreme case of arrested emotional development.

I'm supposed to take time out of my busy schedule to go to Youtube, search for somebody I've never heard of, and watch a bunch of videos that you yourself probably uploaded featuring your matches in front of 4 people in a grocery store parking lot and people you paid - probably in food stamps - to talk about how good you are? I don't think so. Some of actually have...what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yeah - lives. Besides, you don't have to search Youtube to know who I am.

You then finish your sad diatribe with a bland threat and the word "bitch." Seems like someone is taking inspiration from Monday Night Raw. Keep watching TV, kid. Maybe someday, you'll actually learn something good.

You know, after really thinking about this, I'm going to do something I never thought I'd ever do: I'm going to apologize to Duane. Duane, you may be a loser with an over-inflated opinion of himself and delusions of grandeur, but you're better than this scrub.

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In memory of "Fabulous" Jackie Fargo

Let me make this short and sweet. I don't care what anyone in the HWA has done. You're all old news. This isn't trash talking, it's just the obvious fact. Further more, your sudden bout of diaharea of the mouth Don, can't hide the fact you're scared. You see me and you realize I can take everything you've worked for in an instant. Now if you want to get serious, if any of you want to get serious and step up to the next level, quit ducking and dodging and come face the inevitable. One last thing Don, Lord Jaguar 4:69...just ask your girl how famous I am.

Hey, if you helps you sleep at night to think I'm afraid of some nobody with creativity of a high school dropout (as demonstrated by your sad little take on Austin's catchphrase), go ahead. I'm a charitable man.

One last thing, nobody...I don't have a "girl." I have women all over the world, and they don't associate with nobodies.

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In memory of "Fabulous" Jackie Fargo

Ha, ha, ha. Typical HWA bullshit. Avoid the real issue and focus on the meaningless. Girl..woman..hoeski. Whatever, as long as she has a sexy rack and tight ass right. As for me being a nobody, I wouldn't expect somone with his head up his ass to reconize greatness when it's right in front of him. Fact still remains, if I was here for the Buckhouse you would never have even had the balls to get in the match. I will take HWA to the next level and go down as a legend while you'll just a trivia answer.

I've beat Hall of Famers, kid, including knocking one out of the company in my first match. If you think I wouldn't have entered an event because some random jackass came in and started running his mouth about good he is, you're either a fool or delusional. Hell, maybe both.

Do us all a favor and go for someone like yourself who hasn't done anything around here, like Nikhil. Being a champion means I don't have to concern myself with people who wander in off the street making references to TV shows from 25 years ago.

This has been a pleasant enough little diversion, but I've got more important things to do, like telling the maids to polish my Buckhouse Stampede trophy, or having the kitchen help make me a nice sandwich, or washing my hair.

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In memory of "Fabulous" Jackie Fargo

I never went after you. You stuck your nose in my buisness. And once more let me make it clear, I don't give a fuck what you have done around here. You're nothing. Plain and simple. For all your delusions of granduer, you weren't even a blip on my radar a few days ago. I'm the "Uncrowned King" of this sport. Titles mean nothing to me. I wrestle because I was born to do it and I do it better than everyone else. Not bragging, just stating fact. So nut up Donnie boy or shut up. Balls in your court...

And you, my man, were a blip on no one's radar until...wait for it...you stuck your nose in someone's business.

And, if you could comprehend things, you would have seen that I was attacking Duane, something that's kind of a hobby of mine.

The ball's in my court and it stays there. I don't face unknown, unproven opponents just because they say they're good.

Have fun, kid.

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In memory of "Fabulous" Jackie Fargo

He went from having no time to waste on me to trying to save face once more. Facts are facts Don. You're washed up, never as good as you thought you were, and a proven liar. As for me...I am wrestling royalty. You see, despite what you try to convince us of, HWA is just some two bit, podunk town, local company. The only reason I am here is because the HWA board of directors paid me very well to take this place mainstream. Like it or not, I am the future and you are the past. A past we all hope to forget.

I like this jaguar kid. I got the feeling he's gonna go places...

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anderson_family

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/chri ... ef=profile

You know what's funny? This kid thinks he can just walk in here and make a name for himself off of my feud. See this Jaguar guy is one of these people who thinks you can work hard and try your best and then everything will work out. I don't have time to waste with someone who thinks like this. I haven't even been near a ring in like a year and a half. I've never worked hard a day in my life. I got to where I got because I knew the right people and had charisma. So here's the deal bro, I'm not gonna fight you....ever....no matter what you do.

My problem is with Vann. Well, him and the HWA Championship Committee. But he's the one I have the biggest problem with. Vann, where are you? You haven't so much as left your house since Santo finally came to his senses and left your team. I'm begging you, man. Release a statement, cut a promo, have your stupid kid call me names. Do something to let me know this match is still happening.

Or don't and prove you are the coward I always thought you were.

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Sweet pea, perhaps you weren't paying attention,but I am just plain better than you and all of HWA. I didn't work to get this way, I was born better. I wake up and piss out more talent than you will ever have. As for not facing me, I knew you wouldn't. Honestly,why would you want to be humiliated by a superior athlete? I am the future of the HWA and the future is looking so bright you better wear shades!

Sour Grapes.

I know exactly what's going on regarding War Games, but I'm not disclosing specific information to such an ingrate like you Duane. You shit arrogance and piss stupidity. I'm not the biggest fan of Commissioner Vann, but my sources are telling me that he is attending to HWA matters in Australia. You are close with Puft, give him a call.......... The bitching is getting you nowhere.

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Jesus goddamn Christ, Spec. Kiss ass much? Why don't you go back to fighting for whatever pocket change this company wants to give you and mind your own business? The fact of the matter is that Vann is a gutless coward who never had any intention of ever fighting me. And the people in charge in this company are even bigger cowards because they don't have the balls to force Vann to do the match that was his idea to begin with. People like you are sheep. You do whatever the office says and you never argue about money or say "You know what, I'm too hurt to wrestle." We see how that kind of behavior turned out for guys like Ricky Morton and Jake Roberts. I'm not going to end up an old, broken down, piece of trash like you will. I demand superstar treatment. I demand that I make my own schedule. I demand time off when I don't fell like I can compete. I demand that my voice be heard. And once all this crap is over and I burn this company to the ground my voice will be the only one that gets heard. #SUCKIT

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I fight for gold trophies and after the fact, my major concern is how I'm going to maneuver my women around during the after parties. You're only pissed off at me Duane because I have the information regarding War Games and you're too lazy to get your ass up and find the information through a ground roots effort. "I deserve time off." Be a man for once in your life. Given that the readers of Pro Wrestling Illustrated nominated you as the Total Fag of the Year of 2011, this doesn't come as a surprise to me. You have associates..... Instead of utilizing their knowledge and insights, you bitch and moan like these idiot fans of the HWA. I have people in high places that work for me, and that's why I know what's going on at all times................. and you better believe that I use that info. to get what I want. I'm sure you have a few pennies left in that piggy bank. Use them to make an international call to Puft.

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